Introduction

To introduce myself, at the time of this experience I am a 61 year old (2024) white, middle class American guy who has been chronically depressed for most of my life. This depression appears to be generational as my mother was diagnosed with it also, and my father had clear signs of it. This is not crippling or suicidal depression. I have managed to go through college, maintain a professional career for 35+ years, raise a family, and stay married to the same wonderful woman for 26 years and counting. But it is a depression that has robbed me of much of the joy of life. I have seen psychiatrists, taken various antidepressants, and have a long relationship with a psychologist/life counselor. The latter is an amazing man who has helped me in immeasurable ways, but has never been able to truly penetrate my depression.

This journal is mostly for my own purposes, to chronicle a new journey I am on to heal myself and make the rest of my life better. I want zero profit from this. Any product, process, or business I mention I am not affiliated with and will receive no remuneration for it. If this offers any guidance to someone, then I will be gratified. I am not a doctor and do not recommend my path to anyone who does not do due diligence to determine if it can safely apply to them. Some of the things I have tried are illegal in the US and many other countries and I recommend against doing them, but I will cover them anyway for completeness and I leave the decision to try them up to the individual.

Trigger warning: This journal will extensively deal with psychedelics. What many refer to as “drugs”, but I myself will refer to as “medicine”. If that offends you or simply does not interest you then you can stop here.