To introduce myself, I am Kevin, a 61 year old (in 2024) white, middle class American guy who has been chronically depressed for most of my life. This depression appears to be generational as my mother was diagnosed with it also, and my father had clear signs of it. This is not crippling or suicidal…

At age 55 I went in for a routine colonoscopy and when the doctor removed a large growth for biopsy he perforated my colon. This was realized after I woke up and I was quickly sent to the O.R. for repair surgery. The weird thing is that for the next few days, despite pain, inconvenience,…

I started with micro-dosing. This is generally defined as taking a sub-perceptual dose, a dose that you don’t really feel, but is working on your brain. Mycologist Paul Stametts is one of the leading authorities on mushrooms and recommends the Stametts Stack as a protocol for micro-dosing which includes dosage, timing, and additional supplements that…

Also known as molly or ecstacy, it’s technically not a psychedelic. Taken in appropriately small doses, most do not experience hallucinations or breaks from reality. It is an empathogen. It basically causes your body to release its stored serotonin which can cause feelings of euphoria, love, connectedness, vulnerability, etc… for a few hours. It is…

One of the substances covered in How to Change Your Mind is mescaline in the form of peyote. This is a small cactus that grows in North America. It is a scarce, slow growing cactus sacred to many Native Americans and should not be used by people outside of them in my opinion. Fortunately, there…

Date: Monday, April 29, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ cup of what Sergey calls “light”medicine to introduce me to it Experience:  The medicine is very unpleasant tasting, but passes quickly with a piece of fruit to cleanse the palate. Onset of the medicine takes 2-3 hours before peak. It takes about half an hour from…

Date: Wednesday, May 1, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of “light” medicine Experience:  The medicine is definitely stronger with more visuals and a vibration in my ears. Have a difficult time quieting my thoughts. A bit chaotic thinking lots of different things. Try to meditate but not much focus. Doesn’t help that it rained…

Date: Friday, May 3, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ cup of a slightly stronger medicine Experience:  More auditory and visuals. Calmer start to the day and I was able to get work done. Thought about my life and things my wife Rita and I have gone through. Made peace with some of them and could…

Date: Monday, May 6, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of slightly stronger medicine Experience:  Spent most of the day grieving and crying. Thinking about all I have lost and all of the years spent depressed, and all of the things I have had to do for my family at a cost to myself. This…

Date: Wednesday, May 8, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Same dose as Monday, but felt stronger as I get more sensitive Experience:  Spent most of the come-up paying attention to the visuals and the auditory. The day had started with Rita saying we may have to cancel a vacation planned for later in the year because…

Date: Thursday, May 9 , 2024 Medicine: Ayahuasca Dose: 1 cup (ayahuasca cups are small) + 2 shots Experience:  I had read about ayahuasca before going and I had no intention of ever doing it. Ayahuasca literally translates as “vine of death” and few people describe it as pleasant. Sergey had an Ayahuascqaro named Juan…

Date: May 10 – July 4th, no medicine Experience: I went home lighter and feeling better. Longtime friends and coworkers noticed improvements in my mood and manner. I had hope for the first time that I had found something that could permanently help me remove my depression. Hope was my key word. I submitted my…

Date: Sunday, July 7 , 2024 Medicine: Ayahuasca Dose: 1 cup (ayahuasca cups are small) Experience:  I arrived Saturday morning the 6th and had one day to rest before my second ever ayahuasca ceremony. This time the Ayahuasquero was named Orlando and he was visiting from where he lives in the Amazon. Sergey promised not…

Date: Monday, July 8 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ cup of some medicine Experience: Very difficult day with nausea as I was still a little rough from ayahuasca the day before. Not really feeling the medicine. Sergey gave me a couple of more sips to see if it would get me to purge. It…

Date: Wednesday, July 10 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ⅞ cup of same medicine Experience: Note: This is one of the most powerful days I had. For background, my parents were good people but I didn’t always have a good relationship with them. 24 years before this I had to make decisions related to my…

Date: Friday, July 12 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose:Full cup of same medicine Experience: Another rough day. Despite my amazing day on Wednesday I went through a lot of emotions, and a lot of integration is done on the rest days between ceremonies as well as the sharings. I mourned a lot of things I…

Date: Monday, July 15 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of same medicine Experience: I was determined to make today a better day and not mope and mourn. I even took an additional mouthful of medicine in the field to push a little deeper. I debated throwing the stones representing my parents into the…

Date: Wednesday, July 17 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ cup of custom medicine Sergey made for me Experience: The day started fun. As I was sitting cross legged in the Maloca waiting for my serving, Sergey’s cat Luna (the one who comforted me in ayahuasca) came in and layed on my lap. When it…

Date: Friday, July 19 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of peaceful medicine Experience: Early on I was sitting by the river and I put my hand down on the rock that made me think about my late sister. Today is her day in my mind. My sister (aged 59) passed 8 years ago…

Date: Monday, July 22 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of peaceful medicine + extra gluck Experience: Felt out of place today and sensed that I didn’t belong. Felt again like a silly old man sitting in the woods using drugs and wondered what I was doing here. Felt very lonely and disconnected. Realized…

Date: Wednesday, July 24 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of peaceful medicine  Experience: Note: Rita decided to come and her flight is tomorrow. My improved mood and positive energy over the phone broke through negative feelings she was having. This is a complete reversal for us. Very good day today. Spent the day…

Date: Friday, July 26 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of peaceful medicine  Experience: Absolutely beautiful day of peace. Rita arrived the day before. We spent this day hanging out together rather than in separate spaces. The whole day was about us reconnecting after 3 weeks apart. Loving and lovely. Next

Date: Monday, July 29 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of peaceful medicine Experience: Talked with Sergey about his family and the love in it vs how I was raised, and the progress I am making. This got me thinking about transformation. I remembered a woman I knew when I was about 10. I…

Date: Wednesday, July 31 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of peaceful medicine + sip  Experience: Brothers day… I have 2 older brothers I am not close with. I would do almost anything for them, but we have almost nothing in common and if we weren’t related we would never be friends. I realize…

Date: Friday, August 2 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of my peaceful medicine again Experience: Tried thinking about myself non-critically and examined my life. I am a good person and lots of people have liked me. I like to think I have done some good in the world for other people. I was…

Date: Monday, August 5 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of my peaceful medicine + swallow Experience: Sergey wanted to move me to a stronger medicine but I wanted one last day of peace. Today would be my mother’s 99th birthday and I dreamed about her last night. I knew today would be mother’s…

Date: Wednesday, August 7 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ cup of “nuke” medicine Experience: I way overanticipated the strength of this medicine based on the name and others description. Spent the day just getting used to it. Not much happened. Next

Date: Friday, August 9 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose:⅞ cup of “nuke” medicine Experience: Spent the day trying to meditate and turn the left side of my brain off and just be in the moment. Focusing on my breath, the sensations and vibrations in my body, and the sounds of the river. Every time an…

Date: Monday, August 12 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose:Full cup of “nuke” medicine – what Alex calls a “Committed dose” Experience: Went into the river for the first time, probably about 50F. Three times in the water. Chaos and disconnect all day. Can’t keep a coherent thought. Very uncomfortable. Note: We have the same group…

Date: Wednesday, August 14 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose:Full cup of “nuke” medicine Experience: Clown day! 3 new guys show up. They are loud, having too much fun, being inconsiderate and disruptive. I get protective of Rita when I notice they are going into her space too often and not being respectful. Still experiencing chaos…

Date: Friday, August 16 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose:Full cup of “nuke” medicine Experience: 3 times again in the river because I think I should, but I don’t enjoy it. Today is the 8th anniversary of my mom’s death and I expected to spend more time with it. But the day is chaotic and disconnected…

Date: Monday, August 19 , 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose:Full cup of “black” medicine Experience This is a bit stronger than nuke, but not chaotic. The noise of the river has been bothering me lately (the stronger the medicine gets the more my auditory “vibrations” hit me and the white noise of the river amplifies it)…

Date: Wednesday, August 21, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose:Full cup of “black” medicine Experience: Today we went to the “Portal”. This is an amazing cave high up a mountain side with ancient altars carved in it. It is a very sacred place said to be filled with energies. We took a bus to a river spot…

Date: Thursday, August 22, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Very full cup of “black” medicine Experience: Relaxed in the field and partially dissolved, but didn’t really enjoy that feeling. Getting a little disappointed waiting for ecstasy/bliss like many of the others describe feeling. Talked to Sergey and we discussed lowering/removing expectations. Bliss may not happen for…

Date: Monday, August 26, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Cup of “beautiful” medicine Experience: Pookie Day! Sergey switched to what he calls beautiful medicine. A good friend who is one of the guests spent the last session with a teddy bear he borrowed from Sergey’s 6 yo daughter named Pookie (the bear, not his daughter). He…

Date: Wednesday, August 28, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Cup of “beautiful” medicine + parika Experience: Very good day. Went into the river because I wanted to and connected with it, feeling some things wash away from me.  Spent time talking with Sergey about my progress and other things to work on.  Shared parika with John…

Date: Friday, August 30, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Cup of “beautiful” medicine + parika + tzununga Experience: Spent time thinking about lyrics to a favorite song “Life is wonderful” by Jason Mraz. (Shared it that night as part of sharing) Spent a lot of time thinking about Rita and some things she shared with me…

Date: Monday, September 2, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Cup of “beautiful” medicine + extra sips of Sergey medicine + parika Experience: Very strong medicine day with lots of visuals. There are 2 other long term guests who have very spiritual journeys, seeing spirits and mystical animals, and seem way over committed to life with the…

Date: Wednesday, September 4, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ Cup of “New” medicine + extra sips of Sergey medicine + parika Experience: Stuck day. Can’t make any progress. I picture myself as both a hammer and an anvil banging against each other but not actually working on anything. A hammer and anvil aren’t supposed to…

Date: Friday, September 6, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ Cup of “New” medicine + ¼ cup of Sergey medicine + parika x2 Experience: Strangest day yet but very good and powerful. Thinking about the other guests “Chuckey”. I started thinking about what my own might be. What little gremlin was I carrying inside of me…

Date: Weekend, September 7-8, 2024 Medicine: None Dose: Experience: Rita has gone back home. I’m spending a lot of quiet time contemplating my indifference. I realize I mustn’t kill it. The ability to put others ahead of myself is part of my decency, pride, honor, and chivalry. All of which I value in myself. It…

Date: Monday, September 9, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ Cup of “New” medicine + ¼ cup of Sergey medicine + parika Experience: This day went about as expected. I worked on my indifference and I think I can control it. Rita is aware of my revelation and understands. This is a big help and we…

Date: Wednesday, September 11, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ Cup of “Super Zaila” medicine + ¼ cup of Sergey medicine + parika Experience: A favorite author of mine, Terry Pratchett, has a character in his books named Granny Weatherwax. In one of the books she says “Sin is treating other people like objects.” I spent…

Date: Thursday, September 12, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Full cup of “Super Zaila” medicine + parika Experience: Good day – very powerful Spent the day examining and understanding what liking and caring for myself actually looks like. Not just harnessing my indifference, but taking better care of myself physically since I actually want to continue…

Date: Monday, September 16, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ Cup of “New Kevin” medicine + ¼ cup of Sergey medicine + parika Experience: Rita day Spent the day thinking about Rita and our lives together. Feeling love and gratitude. Getting ready to wind up this experience and go home to be with her. Next

Date: Wednesday, September 18, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: ¾ Cup of “New Kevin” medicine + ¼ cup of Sergey medicine + parika Experience: Very powerful day Very hard on the stomach. I feel like I have been abusing myself, now on my 11th straight week of medicine and about 30lbs of weight loss. I feel…

Date: Friday, September 20, 2024 Medicine: Huachuma Dose: Very full cup of “peaceful” medicine + parika Experience: My last day of this experience. Sergey surprised me this morning with the last cup of “peaceful” medicine he had created for me. He saved it for my last day for closure. It feels amazing. I spend the…