Date: Monday, May 6, 2024
Medicine: Huachuma
Dose: Full cup of slightly stronger medicine
Experience:
Spent most of the day grieving and crying. Thinking about all I have lost and all of the years spent depressed, and all of the things I have had to do for my family at a cost to myself. This was very necessary for me to go through. Rita (who was in the next space 100ft from me) came to me and said “We don’t have to hold it together any more.” This was exactly what I needed to hear and I cried from sheer release of the pressure of holding things in and together.
I was lying quietly before traveling back when I smelled smoke. A fellow guest upwind was burning Mapacho (a tobacco) in a ritual. I was thrown back to my time as a kid when my parents would both smoke in the car and wouldn’t let us roll the windows down because it was cold out. I have always hated the smell of tobacco burning, but never realized trauma from it. Later, when we were in the maloca, sage and tobacco was being burned and I looked upset and agitated. Sergey had no clue about what I had gone through and brought the burning sage closer to me for calming. I panicked and yelled at him to take it away which he did. I later explained what happened.