Date: Friday, September 6, 2024
Medicine: Huachuma
Dose: ¾ Cup of “New” medicine + ¼ cup of Sergey medicine + parika x2
Experience:
Strangest day yet but very good and powerful.
Thinking about the other guests “Chuckey”. I started thinking about what my own might be. What little gremlin was I carrying inside of me that was messing with my life? My major realization was that it is “indifference”. This has unstuck me and given me something to put between the hammer and the anvil.
I frequently use the words “I don’t care” to put aside myself in order to benefit others. It is an indifference to my own well being. A feeling that since I don’t really enjoy life, I might as well give others the opportunity for happiness since I’m not using it.
This may be genetic or it may be a learned family trait. My paternal grandfather and father were both soldiers who had to put their well being aside to serve their countries. My maternal grandfather and grandmother were indentured servants who had to put the well being of their “owners” ahead of their own, and both of my parents were brought up in the Great Depression where personal well being was mostly survival.
I realize that this indifference is a survival tactic that doesn’t actually serve me. It could be the root of my depression, and it could be what killed my sister. It’s probably what allowed me to do what I did for my parents, but that purpose has been fulfilled.
Very powerful day.