Date: Weekend, September 7-8, 2024
Medicine: None
Dose:
Experience:
Rita has gone back home. I’m spending a lot of quiet time contemplating my indifference. I realize I mustn’t kill it. The ability to put others ahead of myself is part of my decency, pride, honor, and chivalry. All of which I value in myself. It is also tied into my guilt and depression.
I need to examine my past and see when I misapplied it and hurt myself unnecessarily, and when it was appropriate, such as with my parents. I have to learn to control it and only apply it deliberately for the right reasons. Thinking of it as a gremlin I can control is a useful metaphor as long as I have a harness on it.